Thursday, January 26, 2012

My Mom sent me these actual interactions between pilots and ATC and I thought they are HILARIOUS!!!!
Any pilot would love these.  So, here they are:

>> Actual Radio Exchanges Between
>>>>Pilots and Control Towers
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341:"Center,
we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Tower:"Sir, have you
ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits another 747?"
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 your heavy traffic is a Fokker,
one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this....I've got the little
Fokker in sight."
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.  While attempting to
locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after
touching down.  San Jose Tower noted:
"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are
able.  If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a
right at the lights and return to the airport."
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the
following: Lufthansa (in German):
"Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English):
    "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English):
    "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
    "Because you lost the bloody war!"  
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the
active runway while a DC-8 landed.  The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around,
and taxied back past the Cherokee.  Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew
got on the radio and said: "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real
zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts.  Another landing like yours and I'll have
enough parts for another one."
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered
lot.  They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to
get there without any assistance from them.  So it was with some amusement that
we listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a
British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
" Frankfurt, Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206.  Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto
the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to
Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly):
"Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."
While taxiing at London's Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft
Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate
female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771,
where the hell are you going?  I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! 
You turned right on Delta!  Stop right there.  I know it's difficult for you to
tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God!  Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out!  You stay right there
and don't move till I tell you to!  You can expect taxi instructions in about
half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you,
and how I tell you!  You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control
communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air
2771.  Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her
current state of mind.  Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was
definitely running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his
microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"    
I hope you guys liked these; I sure did!! 

1 comment:

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